Author: Gwendolyn

Early psychic experiences from Gwendolyn, Fearless Moon’s lead intuitive

I thought to start by telling a little about myself and my relationship to the Tarot cards and to seeing. I remember seeing ghosts a lot when I was small. When I was four or five, I saw a cartoon of Casper and he was named a ghost, so then I knew what they were. Many times they seemed just like ordinary people to me and I had relationships with them. There was a native grandmother and her grown up son who often spoke to me, but usually outside the house. They must have been Navajo or Hopi or some related tribe since we lived in Colorado. They wore silver and turquoise and showed me that they had lived in a trailer. They walked with me, showed me flowers, made me find some arrowheads once and talked to me about nature and about what I would do when older. They stayed with me into my teen years at least and sometimes I still call to them, though I never knew their names. They said I should pay attention to how people learned to grow food and the time before that when they knew how to take care of food sources in the wild and then share this with people when I grew up. They taught me to see nature as being magical and I loved to look at flowers or be in the mountains under great pine trees, really not ever feeling lonely or bored. Because they were so kind to me, I felt very loved and they helped me a lot when my family was so cruel to me later on.

But there were other ghosts, also having some relationship to the silver mines in the region. Our house must have been part of an office for an old mine because I always saw a group of men sitting at a table during the night. One of them who wore a hat realized I could see them and he would come and stand next to my bed and stare down at me. I would hide under the covers. One time when it was still basically dark but he seemed to be fading, I bolted and dove into my parents’ bed. This was after seeing Casper, so when my Dad asked what was wrong, I said there was a ghost in my room. He said, “You don’t have to worry about ghosts, Gwenny, because there is no such thing.” I said, “Really? Well, who is that man in my room?” My Dad leapt out of bed and ran around the house to look for someone. He returned to report all was well and I should go back to bed. Well, I won’t get into it but my parents definitely did not tolerate any mention of ghosts and I learned very quickly to keep this information to myself.

Another problem with my mother arose at naptime. After being put to bed, I was not allowed to get up again, under threat of spanking, so when I realized that I had forgotten something, like a stuffed animal or book then I would just call it to me, quite naturally, without ever thinking about it.  Upon coming to get me up from the nap, my mother would see the toy in bed with me and be very angry since she thought I had gotten up to get it and any protestations on my part only made her more angry. I used to just do the same if I was sitting on the floor playing and didn’t want to get up. The last time I remember being able to do this was when I was 14 and I called a candy dish to me. I was flooded with these earlier memories and also kind of spooked and it didn’t happen again. But I did have many more experiences of kinetic energy with astral projection, having a tape player explode and catch on fire in front of my whole family when I was an adult, etc.

When I was twelve, I met my friend Pam, who was quite extraordinary – a genius, great artist and poet, and also a very troubled and neglected youth. She taught me to read Tarot and gave me my first deck. She had learned from her Celtic grandmother in Canada. I don’t remember studying at this point or being really attached to the cards either. It was just something we did, among other activities and we had our little world of art, music and poetry going anyway. Pam also turned me onto Herman Hesse, Carl Jung and the collective unconscious.

The year I was fourteen was a turning point. Pam had been sent to boarding school by then and my father had escalated the violence, beating me regularly. It was a very intense time when I really needed help and a few adults did help me by providing some refuge from my horrific homelife. That year I got some new friends who were a bit older than me, and that also gave me more places to take refuge. I had a migraine every single day the year I was fourteen and found the fluorescent lights at school really triggered migraines, so I often cut school to go on adventures or just to find a place to sleep until the migraine was over. Recently, someone told me that was my third eye opening and it was just painful. I started to dream of my soon to be guru, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, and he would give me instructions on how to find him. Frequently these dreams were premonitions of exact circumstances that were to occur and I would hear his voice saying that I should pay attention when these things happened because he was showing me people who would help bring me to him. First I dreamt of a 40 something woman wearing an elegant suit and a white blouse. I convinced my mother to take me to a yoga gathering. This was very risky as my father would not have approved. My sisters and I were raised to be competitive sports people and I was supposed to become a tennis champion. I was pretty good but of course did not perform well when being watched by my Dad who was also my coach. Anyway, at the yoga gathering, the main teacher, a Western woman who studied with an Indian Hindu guru said she thought I was too young to study yoga. And just then the woman in the navy suit was standing nearby and spoke up to defend my ability to study yoga. The exact woman of my dream. From then on, I took yoga classes and rose very early each morning to do yoga poses and my idea of meditation, having some visions on occasion of the tree of life.

About this time, I met my future mother-in-law who was friends with my mentor, boss and caretaker Sue, a wonderful paraplegic woman who later tried to gain legal guardianship of me and with whom I spent many days and had many adventures.  A gave me a copy of Be Here Now by Ram Das. I enjoyed the whole book quite thoroughly but spent most of the time on the two pages about Tibet, which included three mantras. I felt that I knew these mantras already and began to rise at 4 or 5 am to do yoga. After school, I would go to a nearby deserted lake and chant Om for hours. Many more times I dreamt of people, met them, and came a step closer to Chogyam Trungpa, Rinpoche.